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How Connected are You with Your Lover

By John Jones
Connecting with your Lover involves "ESP". Over the next few weeks we will be looking at ways you connect with your Lover. So get ready to review some ideas you already know but have not been practicing and also to learn some new ideas that will help you become better connected. We are going to begin with "Connecting Emotionally."

How connected are you with your Lover?

 

     Let me first define what I am referring to when I say Lover.  EDGE Ministries does not define Lover in the way most of the world would define Lover.  So when you see the word Lover in this and the following articles on Connecting with your Lover it will be defined as follows.

          Lover: Husband and Wife who share life and adventure together as the intimately come

                      together as one flesh.  -- EDGE Ministries

     When trying to access how connected you are with your Lover, let me give you some guidelines to begin with the process.  To be able to measure anything you have use some tool and the tool I would like for you to use is a rating from 1-10 with 10 being the most connected to 1 being not connected at all.  When thinking about your rating consider the following:  1-you are seperated but not divorced 5-being you are in an neutral marriage (you doing your thing and your Lover doing theirs) 10 is a goal to strive toward but never quite being able to reach it.  Most marriages will fall in the 3(constant fighting) to 6(you communicate while passing in the hall thing).  Our desire is to equip you Lovers with some old but forgotten tools as well as some new weapons to fight against a very real enemy (Satan) that is trying to take out your marriage.

    

3 Ways to Connect Emotionally

 

Build Trust – Better Together by God's Design  "BTBGD"

 

     To encouage you in building trust, a helpful tool would be to recognize the longings of your Lover's Heart.  Your Lover wants to be seen, understood, and valued.   Therefore you will want to know what speaks of love and adventure to them.  Also, you will need to know what makes them feel treasured/respected.  Do you know the answer to these core issues your Lover's Heart?  Every man desires an adventure to live and a Lover to fight for and to be a part of the adventure.  Every woman desires to know that she is treasured and to have an adventure to live with her Lover.  As we look at the next two ways to connect emotionally with your lover you will see how they all work together to build a strong emotional connection for your marriage.

 

Explore Activities Together

 

     What activities do you like to do together?  Do you have a shared adventure that you do together; hiking, golfing, reading, or other activity that you participate in together?  Or do you spend all your free time apart from your Lover,  you doing your activity and your Lover doing their activity never spending any quality one and one alone time together reconnecting.  An activity doesn't have to always be active, sometimes it can just be enjoying each other.  My Lover and I will make time to come together after a busy stressful day by intentionally spending some alone time together just reconnecting on the back porch watching and listening to the many birds sing to us.  Remember when you are doing activitives together it is not so much about getting the activity perfect as it is expressing your love and gratitude toward your Lover in order to create a desire and longing in each other to continue participating in the activities together.  What you do during the activity should make your Lover desire to repeat the activity over and over again, thus creating a deeper emotional connection.  Always be looking for something your Lover does during your time together to be able to express your grattitude to them.

 

Communication

 

     We all have heard over and over how important communication is in any relationship, however it is most vital in wanting to take you connection up to the next level.  I once heard the 4 Most Romantic words lovers can say to each other –"And then what happened?"

     Be prepared though those 4 words can be costly.  For instance you are in the middle of watching a big sports game on TV and your Lover comes in and starts talking and when their done you ask "And then what happened?".   Your 5 minute conversation just went to a 30 minute detailed pouring out their feelings emotional colloquy.  Your cost missing the play of the game.  However, what that says to your Lover is that our emotional connection is more important than any sports team win.  Same thing if your Lover comes in and tells you his fustration in trying to fix that broken hinge on the lawnmower shed, and you ask "And then what happened?'  After 30 minutes you find out that his frustration isn't about the hinge on the door but it is about how he is feeling inadequate about his job and his worth as a husband, father, and Lover.  It just cost you the phone conversation you were having with your sister, but the emotional connection you made as a couple was worth the cost.  

 

     So what kind of BILL are you willing to pay for your communication?

 

BILL broken down looks like:

 

          *Be Curious – No more asking – How was your day?

* Intentionally – Share your feelings and weakness

* Listen – Verify data being spoken – What I hear you saying is?

* Learn – All you can about your Lover

 

     What is it that you and your Lover do to move up a number on the number line?  Remember being asked to rate your marriage connection level?  Don't think once you  

have established your level it will stay the same?  Your level of emotionally connection will move up and down the scale based on your day to day life.  You and your Lover have to be intentional about using the above tools and weapons to be seeking to raise you connection level.  Better connections don't just happen, they have to be desired and fought for each and every day, every hour, every minute.  However, the rewards you will recieve will inspire you to seek better emotional connection with your Lover.

 

     Remember this is the first blog in this series on "How Connected are You to Your Lover?" be sure to visit website again next week to continue reading on the S "Spiritual Connection" of ESP. 

 

     Until next time may God increase in every area of your marriage. "Better Together by God's Design". -- BTBGD

 

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John Jones:
405-250-2905
john@edge-ministries.org

Jaimi Jones:
210-913-8333
jaimi@edge-ministries.org

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