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The truth is we can all be present and yet not be present simultaneously. To be physically present and not mentally present.

The question John and I often ask one another, "Where are you" and the next question, not always spoken out loud, "Can I meet you there?" or "Can you come to me, where I am?" Connecting with each other is a priority in our daily life. As many second marriages, we have learned some things from our past. And one of those life lessons has been that without intentional connection, physically, spiritually, and mentally, marital unity, can slip away without notice.

I often find myself looking out, staring out into the space directly in front of me, at an object without any reason. You know the blank stare. Some might refer to the action as daydreaming. But that is not how I would describe it. It is more of an attempt, on my part, to gather, process, or sort out my thoughts. A "spacing-out" in hopes of connecting and to being present with myself and my thoughts.

Just this morning as John quietly opened our bedroom door and peered in, he found me sitting in the middle of our bed looking straight ahead at nothing but the wall. He occasionally silently crawls out of bed without waking me to relish a few early morning moments with God, alone with just his Bible and his first cup of coffee. Sometimes, on a cool morning, I choose to linger in sleep a few minutes after he gets up. 

That was the case this fall morning. He asked "What are you thinking about?" I said "I love you" in response to his question. He said, "No, you are not going to change the subject so easily." I said very tenderly and with gratitude in my heart, "No, I do love you, I love that you can read my emotions and that you care to ask and listen to my reply" This morning my thoughts were scattered all over the next few weeks as we prepare for the holidays and our ministry Christmas party. Thinking about who would be present at each of these gatherings. And realizing that as I have become less "self-centered" and more "other-centered", I find myself checking in with others more often. I wonder how each person will choose to be present. Realizing through my own reflection and self-discovery that being physically present is only one aspect of being present.  And that being present often takes more effort than we admit or that we are willing to give. Have you ever considered the offering you give by your presence? How often do you chose to be physically present and not be willing to offer your emotional presence?  The gift of our presence is an offering of life. I am challenged by my husband to not only offer him my physical presence but my emotional presence. It is a beautiful calling to be in an intimate and authentic relationship with him. It is so life giving. It has not always been easy for me to offer my truest self to others. However, in the last few years, I have chosen to experience others and myself in much fuller ways. In ways that give and invite authenticity and integrity and even dignity. To offer my truest self and not the counterfeit has been one of the riskiest adventures I've ever experienced.

I wonder how many times my Father God has asked me "Where are you, my precious daughter?" And how many times I have missed the comfort He has to offer. I am thankful that as I am learning to risk my total presence with John, I am also learning how to be present in my daily walk with God.

This season I will be more intentional in my offering of my presence with God, with John, and with others that are in my path. I am a child of God, created to be in relationship with Him and others. Will you join me in my intentionality? Would you be willing to risk?